there's something that i wanna share with youuuu.
it's taken from a novel.
well, im not sure if it's a true story.
whatever it is, it's a lovely one.
and i love it.
credit goes to the author.
torey hayden.. =)

here it goes...

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"I brought you something," she announced.
"You did?"
"Yup." She sat, straddling my legs, her back to my chest. "You wanna see what it is? Here." She lifted the paper over her head so that it was against my nose. I took it.

The picture was of a bird, a blue bird with black wings and a very yellow legs. It was a rather tottery-looking bird, because Lori's ability in art followed her ability in other things done on paper. But happiness was clearly written all over that bird's beak.

"I think this is just the best picture I ever drew. I used my best crayons, the ones with the points still on them. And do you see? I stayed in the lines this time. Pretty good, anyhow. It's just about the best thing I ever done."

"Oh, Lor, you're right. It is."
"Mrs Thorsen thought so too. She wanted to put it up on the bulletin board even." Lori squirmed around to look at me. "But I told her I'm making it for you, so she couldn't have it."
"Oh, you shouldn't have. This is beautiful. You should have let her put it on the board. This is a picture to be proud of."
"I am proud of it. But I made it for you."
"Well, I'm glad to have it. It is a good picture. Maybe I can find a place on our bulletin board to put it, so everyone else can enjoy it too."

Lori took the picture from my hands and held it out in front of her. Thoughtfully, she examined it. "You know what was I thinking when I made this?"
"What was that?"
"Well, I was thinking that it isn't as good as a real picture. You know, as a photograph. Like in a magazine or something. And I really wanted it to look just best with no mistakes. But it wouldn't come out like I was trying to make it. It wasn't perfect."
"Oh Lor, don't say that. It's beautiful. Better than any old photograph."
"No. No, that's not what I'm saying. It isn't right because that wasn't the way I wanted to draw it. It wasnt' perfect, like I wanted it to be. But you know, Tor, what I was thinking about...." She paused, her voice trailing off while she gave the picture another thorough viewing. "What I was thinking about was: It is perfect. Not the part you see but what's inside you. In my head, I could see this bird perfect." She turned to look at me briefly and gave me a smile.

"And that's sort of anough for me to like this picture even though it isn't really very perfect. Because ....well, because I kind of know it could be...."
She turned to me again. "You know what I mean?"
I nodded. "Yes, I think I do."
"Things never really are perfect," she said. "But inside you, you can always see them perfect, if you try. That makes things beautiful to me."
"You're a dreamer, Lor."
She gazed at me, her eyes dark and round and beyond smiling. She said nothing.
"That's a good thing to be."

The blue bird picture never made it up on our bulletin board. I took it home with me. I hung it on the wall over my bed to remind me at least twice a day about beauty in an imperfect world.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

that's a lovely one isn't it?
even a kid knows how to see imperfect things as beautiful.
everything is beautiful.
it's up to the one who looks at it.
beauty is in the eye of the beholder after all.
=)

im in malacca now!
hehe.
on hols.
celebrating raya too.
=)

what to write on today's post?
hurmmm.
ohhh.
currently my weight is 50kg!
haha.
menarik kan?
last time, nak reach 40kg pun susah.
wuuu.

i dont know if i should gain more or just maintain as it is.
whatever it is, ive gained my ideal weight. ;)

ohh.
my sis sent me a link.
it's a youtube video.
cute hell.
like me. :))
prasan.
tauuuu. ;P
siapa lagi nak puji, kalau bukan diri sendiri kan?
lol.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=84TQV6V1O2o

try and watch it. ;)
selamat hari raya to all muslims. =)
toodlessss~~~

i'll write something regarding love on today's post.
just to share with the others.
i took this from my school magazine.
like the previous entry.

CINTA. UNGKAPAN YANG SERING DISALAHTAFSIRKAN.
apa itu cinta?
apa tandanya kita menyintai seseorang atas dasar cinta Allah?

1. mestilah memastikan kecintaan itu tidak melebihi cinta daripada Allah. Kita akan sentiasa mendahulukan kehendak kecintaan utama kita (Allah) daripada kehendak kecintaan2 kita yang lain. Pertemuan antara cinta Allah dan kecintaan kepada yang lain tidak seharusnya berlaku sekiranya cinta Allah mendapat keutamaan tertinggi dan cinta2 lain diatur serta dirujukkan kepada Allah.

2. cinta itu, mestilah tidak melanggar batas2 syariat. Jangan cinta menyebabkan kita berdosa kerana tidak melaksanakan apa yang diperintahkanNya dan melanggar apa yang dilarangNya. Apabila dua syarat ini dilanggar, maka cinta tidak akan murni dan berkekalan lagi. Inilah punca patahnya cinta selepas perkahwinan. Tetapi sekiranya dua "hukum" cinta dipatuhi, maka disinilah pula letaknya keindahan cinta selepas perkahwinan.

Untuk mengetahui segala2nya tentang cinta, manusia perlu merujuk kepada pencinta cinta itu sendiri yakni Allah s.w.t. Tuhan menciptakan cinta, maka Dialah yang Maha Mengetahui sifat dan rahsianya. Cinta itu indah kerana diciptakan oleh Allah yang Maha Indah. Sabda Rasulullah s.a.w, "Allah itu indah dan cinta akan keindahannya." Bukan sahaja indah, cinta yang diciptakan Allah itu bertujuan untuk menyelamatkan, mententeramkan dan membahagiakan manusia. Tidak kira sama ada dalam komunikasi antara manusia dengan Tuhan.

[if only there's love, there wont be war in Gaza. kan? i just dont understand. kenapa negara2 Arab yang kaya, besar, tidak mahu menolong Palestin? padahal, mereka mempunyai kuasa itu. tetapi, mereka tunduk pada yahudi. sedih. sedih. sangat sedih. masa kat btn, cikgu2 kat sana kata,,,kita pandai mana pun, we're not yet powerful. only with power, it can change everything. just everything in a blink of an eye. sebab tu, mereka kata, we have to protect our country Malaysia. dont fight over petty things. because that's the time, our enemy is eyeing at us. eyeing to invade us again. because when we fight, when others invade our country, we'll lose the power. it's not easy to get back independence. if our ancestor were to live again, they may be sad. profoundly heartbroken =( ]

oh.
tadi hanya interlude.
sambung balik. ;P

Allah s.w.t tidak mengurniakan rasa cinta semata2, tetapi Allah juga mengurniakan "hukum" cinta yang mesti dipatuhi demi mencapai maksud penciptaannya. Dengan "hukum" itu, Allah mengatur agar cinta sentiasa selamat dan menyelamatkan. Begitulah cinta dalam Islam, mempunyai kaedah dan peraturan demi menjaga kemurniaan dan kesuciannya. Selagi manusia berpegang kepada peraturan ini, selagi itulah cinta terpelihara dalam sifat fitrahnya yang asal, yakni murni, indah dan mententeramkan.

[interlude lagi. haha. bosan la kalau straight sangat. bengkok2 sikit. ;P hmmm. some of you may, i cakap may ok, im not being pessimist here. ok, some may think that im against love towards the opposite sex. come on la. it's in us. cant avoid that. so why should i against it. ive experienced it. and i know how it feels like. im writing this kind of post, just to share it. because i love the way the words are being sorted out. it's just too meaningful to me. well, if it's not to you, then whateverrrr. i just share this. because sharing is caring. right? =) ]

Tidak kira di mana dan dalam keadaan apa sekalipun, selagi cinta mematuhi hukum Allah, selagi itulah cinta indah. Inilah faktor penentu keindahan cinta sama ada sebelum atau selepas perkahwinan. Dalam dua keadaan, yang mana satu lebih memudahkan "hukum" cinta itu dipatuhi? Sebelum atau selepas perkahwinan?

Untuk menjawabnya, kita terpaksa merujuk kepada kenyataan awal semula, yakni cinta adalah fitrah dari Allah yang ada peraturannya. Untuk mendapat cinta yang sejati dan berkekalan, peraturan ini mesti dipatuhi. Peraturan pertama, cinta itu mesti dibina atas dasar cinta Allah. Cintalah sesiapa pun tetapi mestilah kerana Allah. Namun, meletakkan cinta hanya untuk dan kerana Allah tidak menghalang meletakkan cinta kepada yang lain. Islam membenarkan seorang ibu menyintai anaknya, seorang rakyat menyintai pemimpinnya, seorang isteri menyintai suaminya, malah seorang wanita terhadap lelaki dan sebaliknya tetapi dengan syarat cinta itu mestilah diletakkan atas dasar cinta Allah.

finally, i would like to share something.
i love this quotation.

"cinta kepada manusia itu tidak mewujudkan kebahagiaan yang abadi untuk seseorang insan, kerana ia tidak kekal, cinta kepada manusia seringkali membuatkan seorang itu gagal, kecewa, menderita dan terseksa, oleh itu tidak suatu cinta pun yang dapat membuahkan kebahagiaan dan kenikmatan yang kekal abadi kecuali cinta kepada pencipta manusia itu sendiri..." -Rabiatul Adawiah-

love makes us happy.
but loving someone can hurt us too.
because we're only human beings.
humans are imperfect.
tend to hurt others.
no matter how we try to avoid, there's always possibilities to hurt others.
that cant be avoided.
but love to Allah is priceless.
because Allah never hurts us in return...

it's not wrong to love others.
not wrong.
see, up there.
it said that Islam membenarkan seorang wanita mencintai seorang lelaki dan sebaliknya.
so boleh la actually.
but with conditions.
and if we fulfil the conditions, then cinta itu jadi sangat indah!
;)

tiba2 rasa matured sangat pula cerita2 pasal cinta ni.
haha.
tak matured lagi pun, kena buat2 matured.
because im reaching 19.
i should understand this kind of thing.
so i wont do the same mistakes again.
:D
ok.
done.
toodles~~

bad news.
bad news.
since balik rumah last few days, ive lost a kilo.
huwaaa.
sedih.
when i came back, i checked, it was 49kg.
and just now i checked again,,48kg sudah.
=(
hmmmm.
my fault.
my fault.
because ive been skipping my breakfast since i came back.
kat rumah memang susah nak makan.
bukannya tak ada makanan. =.=''
not only skip my breakfast, i even skip my lunch.
satu hari makan sekali je.
tapi baru semalam skip breakfast and lunch.
dah turun 1kg.
cepatnya.. =.=''
serves me right. =(

somehow,,ive lost my appetite lately.
i dont know why.
ive been taking the med as usual.
like always.
but i just lost my appetite.
it just difficult for me to munch those food like before.
makan pun sangat slow lately.
sangat.
serious.
=.=''

life is so complicated.
isnt it?
no.
it's ourselves who complicate it.
life is simple.
it's up to us to make it colourful and meaningful.
and it's up to us to make it dreadful too.

hmmm.
i hardly understand myself.
why am i making things complicated?
*sigh.
was it my fault?
or things just go as it is?
[apa aku mengarut ni?]
=.=''
yang pasti, im currently suffering from komplikasi perasaan.
tak kot.
entah lah.
im confused with myself.
patutlah mak and ayah suruh focus on studies je.
when this kind of thing steps into my life, it makes me miserable.
so miserable that i dont know myself.
haisy.

make it simple mazni!
dont think about it too much.
[maybe inilah sebabnya muka ku sudah tidak flawless. pimples degil tamau hilang] =.=''
just go with the flow.
and everything will be fine.
just fine....
because,,, c'est la vie. =)

oh.
hari ni birthday am.
happy birthday am!
anda sudah tua.
eh tidak.
sudah besar.
tua sounds rude.
haha.
;P

i want to something else.
but i'll write it in different entry.
toodles~~

this morning, mak made jemput2 for breakfast.
ahaaa.
johor people call cucur@cekodok as jemput2. ;)

and so,,,
here's the ingredients that we need.
carrot, potato, anchovies, onion, 1spoonful of salt, tepung separuh from ingredients tadi and just a little bit of water.
ni untuk 5 orang makan.
kalau untuk mazni seorang,,,equivalent to 2 ke 3 orang makan?
hahahaha.
melampau mazni!
control your appetite ok!
tolong la jangan jadi big eater bila kat aussie nanti.
errr.
seems like there's a possibility. ;P

oh muka saya!
sudah tidak flawlesssssss.
sedihhhhhh. =(
rasa macam nak buat like kakak said.
"rasa nak amek kertas pasir, then scrub muka ni. sampai hilang jerawat"
huuu.
hopefully, i could get rid of this stubborn pimples before flying off.
aaaa.
banyak nya benda nak buat.
need to make an appointment with the chiropractor n also the orthodontist lagi.
nak buka retainer ni.
ortho dulu pakaikan permanent one on me.
kentut la dia.
because when i asked him to take it off, dia tamau!
he said, "no. because i know you'll be lazy to wear the plastic retainer at night. and if you miss wearing it, your teeth will run from their alignment. so, it's a no"
so now, i mau cari ortho lain.
bwek.
tak kira. >.<

ok!
that's all for today's post.
i'll be going out in a while.
accompanying my sister to klcc.
to buy movie tickets.
for tonight perhaps.
oh i wish to watch jennifer's body.
but cant watch it with my parents.
nanti mak bising.
hushhh. ;P
if you read the synopsis, you'll know it why.
haha.
tapi saya sudah besar!
[besar mana lah awak tu mazni] =.=''
part censored tu,,,,saya tutup mata la. ;P
i really do it anyway.
haha.
selalu buat2 tengok ceiling bila ada part2 macam tu. ;P

ok ok.
stop it.
toodlessss~~~

to be at home is heaven!
wuuu~

im supposed to be at the kitchen now.
helping mak n ayah preparing food for lunch.
escaping for a moment.
neeed to list out things that ive learned for today.
so i wont forget it later.
haha.

"kata nak belajar masak. cepat tolong kat dapur.."
"asek mengembang je. macam belon dah ayah tengok...."
"ani stay la kat sana sebulan. masak untuk budak2 ni. abang stay kat sini dengan hanis. tapi kena bayar. takkan mak masak untuk free kan. untuk adik free la. lain2 kena bayar. boleh tanggung ticket mak pergi balik. hahaha.." -ayah-

"nak masak udang ni,,setengah sudu kunyit, satu sudu kecik garam. setengah dengan satu. senang je. lepas tu, api kecik. api besar nanti mercik..."
"kalau nak masak ikan bakar, balut dengan aluminium foil. macam ayah buat tu. lepas tu, biar 15mins each side...."
"cakap dengan kawan2, siapa yang kena basuh sayur, penuh kan sink dengan air ke, lepas tu rendam sayur. half an hour. letak garam..." -mak-

"kena ke?..." -me-
"eh dik. mak kan amek agricultural science. mak tahu lah. kat sana guna ..... bla bla bla..."

ok.
that's all.
save this entry.
so that i could review it back when im in aussie later.
weee~
insyaAllah.. =)

with this, i am happy to announce that i am freeeeeeeeeeeee from self-abused matriculation @ SAM @ south australian matriculation.
hahahaha.
no no.
not i.
but,
WE.
the SAM JPA students batch of July 2008.
;)

all the memories we had together will be kept in my long term memory forever.
here, i learned to be tough.
i learned to be independent.
i learned to study hard.
i learned to survive.
i learned about friendship.
i learned about love.
i learned about sacrifice [opportunity cost perhaps].
i learned so many things that it can be sorted into words.
oh i love my life in inti.
gazillion of thanks to wonderful lecturers, Mr Yee, Mr Wong, Ms Wahida, Ms Saras and Ms Shamala.
not forgotten, Mr Yap and Ms Wywa.
you have made our life in inti so wonderful that we have forgotten that nilai is a boring place. ;P
well, nilai is not so bad after all.
because of the wonderful friends, perhaps.
these friends have offset the boringness of nilai.
haha. ;P

ok ok.
enough with inti.
i wanted to list out the things that i want to do for this 2-month-break actually.
ok!
here it goes...

1. gain more weight. targetting 53kg before flying off to aussie. so, about 5kg left. sure boleh punya. ;D

2. be kakak's driver. hantaq dia pi kerja. ni kena practice driving dulu before jadi driver dia. silap2 bak kata kakak, "jangan nanti, akak dah habis kerja, call awak tanya kat mana, adik ada je kat bawah ni. tak balik pun dari siang tadi". haha. ;P

3. shopping! weeee~~ parents sudah kasi green light. ;P

4. dating! hahaha. tak la. nak keluar dengan semuaaaaaa rakan2 before fly. nanti rindu. =(

5. nak rapatkan ukhwah dengan family members. ecewa. ;P pagi2 tak boleh bangun lambat. nak jadi rajin bila balik rumah nanti. pagi2, nak bangun awal. then siram pokok ke, basuh kereta, sapu sampah, basuh baju, kemas rumah. nak tolong mak. tolong ayah. tolong kakak! nak jadi anak and adik yang baik! aminnnn. =)

6. wanna learn how to cook. hehe. i am not so good at cooking. seriously. =( so cuti ni, nak minta tolong mak ajarkan memasak. later, senang hidup kat aussie. =)

7. movie marathon. sounds menarik. hehe. ;P

8. nak kemas balik benda2 dalam lappy ni. serabut. pening2.

9. nak,,,,,,,,kahwin. hahahaha. tak la! too early. actually dah tak tahu nak list out apa. ;P anyway, siapa pun nak kahwin dengan mazni? kurus kering macam plywood. oh tidak. dah gemok sikit. haha. tapi tidak lah. tamau2 kahwin nowwwww.

ok sudah.
i have started to crap.
mazni stopppppp.
-end of today's post. adios-

btw, air garam sangat tak best. ada other alternatives treatment for muscle cramp tak anyone? tolong lah elok kaki ni. esok nak pi sunway. =(

hmmm.
tak kesah tak kesah mazni pun, ada limit nya.
flexible macam mana pun, im also a human being.
i do have feelings.
i can be hurt.
i am sensitive too.
but i just pretend that im not like one.
because i just dont want to think too much about it.
*sigh
am i thinking too much?
i am.
maybe.
stop it mazni.
you're not going to spoil your day with this problem.
ohh.
i'll try...

anyway, just now i went to celebrate kakak's birthday.
just went for lunch. [tapi lama gak makan. hehe]
near klia.
seronok.
ayah said that i looked so different.
so bulat.
hehehe.
"ok lah tuh. bulat (showing myself) plus another bulat (showing my sister), you get bulat bulat. hehehe" [lameeeee. haha]
my sister also gained weight.
we are planning to gain more to be ideal. ;D

ohh just now, my sister asked for my help.
she wanted me to send her to office every morning.
during my 2-month-break.
she offered me rm5.50 for every trip. [sebab parking ticket yang dia kena bayar hari2 cost her 5.50rm. hehe]
muahaha.
ok la tuh.
pergi balik 11rm.
11x40=440rm.
woah.
kayo den.
:))
boleh simpan, bawa pi aussie.
erk.
when it is converted to aussie dollar,,,,,jadi separuh jeeee.
$200.
tak apa lah.
ok juga.
rezeki. ;D
baik lah.
i'll try my best to be a betterrrrrr driver.
haha.

hmmm.
dah ok dah mood ni.
tak rasa down lagi.
hehe.
bagus mazni.
diri ini memang begini.
easily hurt.
but easiy forget what had happened.
and so i tend not to hold a grudge.
that's the best part that im grateful to have. =)

ohh.
tadi mazni surf myspace.
and so jadi stalker sat.
haha.
cuci2 mata. ;P
looky2.
pictures rakan2.
hurmm.
and because of those pictures, i feel like typing out what am i feeling right now.
saya,,,
wonder..
just wondering...
mungkin saya menyibuk.
tapi saya cuma wondering...
sangat.
sebab itu yang saya observe selama ini.
dah lama.
kenapa dan kenapa,,,,
bila orang couple,,,,,
mesti mereka hold on hands?
kenapa,,,
girls tend to be so kind...
that they allow the guys to hug them?
kenapa yang dulu ada prinsip agama yang kuat, terus macam tak kisah lepas couple?
kenapa,,,
jadi macam tu?
kenapa girls jadi baik sangat?
kenapa guys ambil kesempatan?
just kenapa...
why do they show affectionate in that way?
anyway, they're not married yet.
itu sebab saya tanya kenapa. [kalau dah kahwin, semua pun tak kisah dah]
not to be narrow minded.
cuma saya wonder,,,
why must it happen to almost all couples?

kalau dah kahwin, takut nanti dah tak ada affectionate itu.
bila shopping, husband dah melulu ke depan, tinggal kan wife jalan mengendeh2 bawa anak kat belakang.
kih kih.
"susu habis bang. anak dah meragam ni. abang bila nak bagi duit bulan ni? dah lama abang tak bagi duit. beras kat dapur pun nak habis"
"aaahhh. awak tahu minta duit je. ingat saya cop duit? saya kerja macam nak mati awak tak tahu"
hahahahha.
suka hati je buat dialog sendiri. ;P
but it happens la. [ive seen one in real life]
ni kalau kahwin yang terburu2 kot.
no family planning.
pastu mengaduh tak cukup duit.
adesh2.
[ni buat mazni takut nak kahwin. =.='']

kerana mereka bukan sejenis?
hurmm.
kerana mereka tak sama.
sebab itu.
haaa.
probably perasaan itu,,
make them tend to do that.
kan?
haaa.
terjawab kot pertanyaan kenapa saya.
if you have other answers and wanna voice out your thoughts, silakan.
you're most welcome.
saya hanya wonder.
itu sahaja.
curious.
bukan nak menyibuk.
bukan nak melukakan hati sesiapa.
saya hanya curious.
serious.
curious amat.
tiada niat lain.
end of story-

tengok ni!
tengok ni!
hihihihi.
if you cant read, i'll type it down..
"When top level guys look down, they see only shit. When bottom level guys look up, they see only assholes"
hahaha.
it's an organisation chart.
in reality, it happens.
pity the bottom level people la kan.
so let's work our butts off to be at the top level!
so that we're not looked down as shit.
haha.
and once we reach the top, don't look at others as shit ok.
be nice to others.
succeed in both ways.
be beautiful in the inside tooo.
*winkkkk.

ive slept for 2hours after maghrib prayer.
which then forced me to stay awake til now.
i'd to move to pantry by 12 or 1 i guess.
since cik izzah roommate sayang wanna sleep.
hehe.
i cant sleep too if the light is on.
so that's why i move to pantry.
and so i went there carrying my lappy, spec m3 books, a box of kokocrunch and a bottle of milk.
felt like having supper.
ym with hazim and wafi.
talking about this cik kiah. [not gossipping about her]
cik kiah really has nothing better to do.
i dont give a damn about this cik kiah even i heard people talking about 'her'.
her i supposed.
or maybe him.
i dont know.
unknown gender.
muahaha.
i refrain myself from talking bad about others.
because i know, if i start, i cant stop. [seriously. because when i start talking, there's some kind of force which forces me to keep on talking. the devils la kan. who else punya kerja?]
and that will make me surrounded by sins.
i have more than enough sins. =.=''

somehow i feel sad.
for knowing the fact that there's such a person exist in this world.
the main problem is, i have a feeling that she's a muslim.
she can cause chaos.
and i cant understand why are there people who support her.
we're big enough to think of what's wrong and what's right. =.=''

anyway, tonight's post is not about her.
may you're protected by Allah and i guess, spreading GOOD news is a much much better way to help others.
please dont attempt to ruin other people's life.
because there's always karma.
what goes around comes around.
and i supposed you dont want bad things to fall on you.
peace~~ ;)

ohh.
back to the real topic of this post.
just to keep this memory with me.
that i actually had finished a whole regular size box of kokocrunch just now.
erk.
i didnt realise it actually.
seriously.
i was busy doing exercises [specialist maths].
hazim said that im becoming a REAL dino.
hehehe.
i supposed, girls will be hurt if people say that they have gained weight.
i mean, not hurt as in hurt.
but hurt.
haha.
[apa la. =.='' ]
kecik hati laaa.
easier.
haha.
but i dont give a damn.
as long as i get my ideal weight.

hazim once said to me, "jangan lah makan banyak2 sangat. jangan membazir taw. save sikit duit tu...."
"i tak membazir. i makan tak pernah tak habis taw. and i tak makan banyak. i makan sebab i lapar..."
heee.
i started to learn not to waste my food when i went to btn.
birotatanegara, meru klang.
that's the place where i was taught to appreciate the rezeki that Allah has given to me.
orang kat Palestin sana nak makan pun susah.
kita kat sini, dah dapat makan, jangan bazir ok.
;)
then slowly i learned not to waste my food from my roommate.
and also pei ru.
ive seen how izzah and pei ru eat when they are having their meal.
licin.
tak bazir langsung.
i supposed, kalau orang Palestin kat sana nampak sayur2 bersusun tepi pinggan macam kat malaysia ni, mesti mereka berebut nak makan.
walaupun tak mengenyangkan, but they are grateful enough to be given food. =(
it's a lesson for us ok not to waste our food. ;)

anyway, kakak also had once said, "adik kalau nak cepat gemok, jangan bazir food taw. try to force yourself to finish up the food. tak sedap pun, try telan. tapi kalau dah tak boleh habis tu, jangan paksa sangat. nanti muntah plak..."
and know what?
it really works. ;)

ok ok.
i guess ive been writing too much.
stop mazni.
stop indulging yourself with the temptation of writing.
hah?
apa2 lah mazni.
nyte2 people.
sweet dreams.
dont let the bed bugs bite [learned this from one of the powerpuff girls series. haha]
;)

belly pudge.
tight jeans.
chubby cheeks.
double chin.
watch?
seems like cant wear it for a long time.
many people have noticed that ive gained some weight.

ohh.
good news or bad news for me?
gain weight , yes.
belly pudge, no!
everyday i do sit up, and all types of exercises that could get rid of this belly fatttttttttt.
i become soooo rajin lately to surf the net and look for health tips.
hehe.

have to go shopping after exam.
buy new clothes.
weeeee~~~~
hope that i am able to get rid of this ugly spare tire before flying off to aussieeeee.
amin!
work harder mazni!
=)

hari ni punya cerita....
hehe.
got this from my school magazine.
it was published by the tkc's bada last time.
and here it goes...



Well folks, hope you learn something from today's post.
May Allah always protect us.
Amin.
=)

Hey there people.
I have a very very nice story that will intrigue you to read up til the end.
I got this from my sister.
A big thanks to the owner of this story for spreading this to the others.
This story makes me realise that i should appreciate, obey my living parents and love them with all my heart.
I love you so much mak and ayah.. :)

And here it goes....
Nice one to ponder upon….

A story worth sharing

4 years ago, an accident took my beloved away and very often I wonder, how does my wife, who is now in the heavenly realm, feel right now? She must be feeling extremely sad for leaving a husband who is incapable to taking care of the house and the kid. 'cos that is the exact feeling that I have, as I feel that I have failed to provide for the physical and emotional needs of my child, and failed to be the dad and mum for my child.

There was one particular day, when I had an emergency at work. Hence, I had to leave home whilst my child was still sleeping. So thinking that there was still rice leftovers, I hastily cooked an egg and left after informing my sleepy child.

With the double roles, I am often exhausted at work as well as when I am home. So after a long day, I came home, totally drained of all energy. So with just a brief hug and kiss for my child, I went straight into the room, skipping dinner. However, when I jumped into my bed with intention of just having a well-deserved sleep, all i heard and felt was broken porcelain and warm liquid! I flipped open my blanket, and there lies the source of the 'problem'... a broken bowl with instant noodles and a mess on the bedsheet and blanket!

Boy, was I mad! I was so furious that I took a clothes hanger, charged straight at my child who was happily playing with his toy, and give him a good spanking! He merely cried but not asking for mercy, except a short explanation:

"Dad, I was hungry and there wasn't anymore leftover rice. But you were not back yet, hence I wanted to cook some instant noodles. But I remembered you reminding me not to touch or use the gas stove without any adults around, hence I turned on the shower and used the hot water from the bathroom to cook the noodles. One is for you and the other is for me. However, I was afraid that the noodles will turn cold, so I hid it under the blanket to keep it warm till you return. But I forgot to remind you 'cos I was playing with my toys...I am sorry Dad..."


At that moment, tears were starting to run down my cheeks...but I didn't want my son to see his dad crying so I dashed into the bathroom and cried with the shower head on to mask my cries. After that episode, I went towards my son to give him a tight hug and applied medication on him, while coaxing him to sleep. Then, it was time to clear up the mess on the bed. When everything was done and well past midnight, I passed my son's room, and saw that he was still crying, not from the pain on his little buttock, but from looking at the photograph of his beloved mummy.

A year has passed since the episode, I have tried, in this period, to focus on giving him both the love of his dad and mum, and to attend to most of his needs. And soon, he is turning seven, and will be graduating from kindergarten. Fortunately, the incident did not leave a lasting impression on his childhood memories and he is still happily growing up.

However, not so long ago, I hit my boy again, with much regret. This time, his kindergarten teacher called, informing me of my son's absence from school. I took off early from work and went home, expecting him to explain. But he wasn't to be found, so I went around our house, calling out his name and eventually found him outside a stationery shop, happily playing computer games. I was fuming, brought him home and whack the hell out of him. He did not retaliate, except to say, 'I am sorry, Dad'. But after much probing, I realized that it was a 'Talent Show' organized by his school and the invite is for every student's mummy. And that was the reason for his absence as he has no mummy.....

Few days after the caning, my son came home to tell me, the kindergarten has recently taught him how to read and write. Since then, he has kept to himself and stayed in his room to practise his writing, which I am sure, would make my wife proud, if she was still around. 'cos he makes me proud too!

Time passes by very quickly, and soon another year has passed. It's winter, and its Christmas time. Everywhere the christmas spirit is in every passer-by...Christmas carols and frantic shoppers....but alas, my son got into another trouble. When I was about to knock off from the day's work, the post office called. Due to the peak season, the post master was also on an edgy mood. He called to tell me that my son has attempted to post several letters with no addressee. Although I did make a promise never to hit my son again, I couldn't help but to hit him as I feel that this child of mine is really beyond control. Once again, as before, he apologized, ' I'm sorry, Dad' and no additional reason to explain. I pushed him towards a corner, went to the post office to collect the letters with no addressee and came home, and angrily questioned my son on his prank, during this time of the year.

His answer, amidst his sobbing, was : The letters were for Mummy.

My eyes grew teary, but I tried to control my emotions and continued to ask him: " But why did u post so many letters, at one time?" My son's reply was: " I have been writing to mummy for a long time, but each time I reach out for the post box, it was too high for me, hence I was not able to post the letters. But recently, when I went back to the postbox, I could reach it and I sent it all at once..."


After hearing this, I was lost. Lost at not knowing what to do, what to say....

I told my son, " Son, mummy is in the heavenly kingdom, so in future, if you have anything to tell her, just burn the letter and it will reach mummy. My son, on hearing this, was much pacified and calm, and soon after, he was sleeping soundly. On promising that I will burn the letters on his behalf, I brought the letters outside, but couldnt help opening the letter before they turn to ash.

And one of the letters broke my heart....

Dear Mummy,

I miss you so much! Today, there was a 'Talent Show' in school, and the school invited all mothers for the show. But you are not around, so I did not want to participate as well. I did not tell Dad about it as I was afraid that Dad would start to cry and miss you all over again. Dad went around looking for me, but in order to hide my sadness, I sat in front of the computer and started playing games at one of the shops. Dad was furious, and he couldnt help it but scolded and hit me, but I did not tell him the real reason. Mummy, everyday I see Dad missing you and whenever he think of you, he is so sad and often hide and cry in his room. I think we both miss you very very much. Too much for our own good I think. But Mummy, I am starting to forget your face. Can you please appear in my dreams so that I can see your face and remember you? I heard that if you fall asleep with the photograph of the person whom you miss, you will see the person in your dreams. But mummy, why havent you appear?


After reading the letter, I cant stop sobbing. 'cos I can never replace the irreplaceable gap left behind by my wife....


For the females with children:

Don't do so much overtime. If you cannot finish the work, it must be some kind of problems within the company, and it is not your sole problem. Feedback to your boss. Endless overtime may not necessary be the answer to the problem. Take care of your health so that you can treasure and take care of your little precious.

For the married men:

Drink less, smoke less, cos nothing can replace your good health, not even business nor clients.

Try thinking this way, are you able to work till your clients are totally dependent on you? or your boss is totally dependent on you? In this society, no one is indispensable.

Take care of your health, so that you can take care of your little precious and your loved ones.


For those singles out there:

Beauty lies in loving yourself first.

With confidence and loving yourself, you will see the beauty in other things around you. You will be able to work better and happier. Don't let your health be affected by your work or your boss, so nothing matters more than your well being.

Well folks, that's the end of this lovely sad story.
Ive cried and I bet you cried too. [not necessarily nangis. but if ure not touched even a little, kamu memang tiada hati & perasaan]
Love our parents, obey them, dont hesitate to say I love you mummy and I love you daddy.
Because you'll never know when their time come.
[now i feel like going back home to meet my parents]
but you can call them.
not necessarily going back home to say I love you.
You may feel that parents know nothing about you except scolding you. [errr. it can be pretty annoying. hehe]
But they scold, because they love you.
And I accept that willingly for I know my parents love me. :)

apa la.
i had misinterpreted it.
sedih2.
beria nak jaga hati orang, tapi,,,, wuuuuu.
tidak dihargai pun....
instead kena marah balik.
=(
taakkkkkk apa la!
tak heran pun!
bwek bwek.
as long as im happyyyyyyyyyyyy. >.<

it has been a looooooong time that ive not been crapping.
haha.
hari ni kita reminisce a malay proverb ye kawan2.
ikut hati mati, ikut rasa binasa.
interpret sendiri.
muahaha.
malas. ;P
actually ive no idea exactly on what to write on today's post.
hehehe.

lately sangat suka type panjang2.
ajim kata,,,,"makan banyak sangat. jari dah gemuk ke sampai malas nak angkat jari tu type betul betul?"
hahahahhahahahaaaaaaa.
budak ni memang nak kena.
suka cari gaduh.
tunggu masa je ni.
ngehehehe. >:)
kalau i nampak kelibat you, siap lah.
ada orang nak kena flying kick ni.
[macam berani je]
eh tapi memang berani la.
ajim je. :))
gurau saja en hazim. ;P

after exam, kami nak pergi sunway.
KAMI.
girls' days out.
boys are excluded.
haha.
ok ok.
baru dua paper habis.
dah fikir nak berjalan. =_=''

lately nampak macam2 benda macam foooooood.
hari tu nampak ifa macam cake.
sebab dia pakai baju yellow n brown stripes.
then nampak dumbledore macam dull white cotton candy yang tak menarik hati langsung.
all because of his beard.
dah la ifa n hasanah suka kacau mazni.
nampaak mazni je diorang buat2 lari.
arghhhhhh.
mazni nak makan kitaaaaa!!!!
haha.
merepek la.
anda tak menyelerakan pun.
only REAL food attracts me. :))

oh berat mazni dah naik.
47.5kg.
happyyyyyyyyyy.
alhamdulillah. =)
dah 7weeks makan ubat tu, and i had gained 6.5kg.
ok la kan?
ok sangattttttttttt.
hehehehe.

oh ada possibility ni, to gain 8kg on this coming 2-month-break.
kalau dah macam ni caranya.
makan ubat tu, naik 1kg in 1week.
ngaih.
maintain mazni.
maintain.
control your appetite.
hopefully blazer itu boleh dipakai bila nak fly nanti. =_=''

ohhh sangat fulllll.
just had my dinner.
lepas ni mahu solat dan mulakan kehidupan waktu malam bersama si dia.
haha.
nota2 mr yee ye.
terima kasih.
im still 18.
masih muda.
walaupun sudah layak,,,err.
tapi tidakkkkkkkk.
dont corrupt my mindddddddddddd.
[apa mazni ngarut ni]
errrr.
saya akan senyap dan pergiiiiiiiiiiiii. =_=''

today's post will be basically conveying a message to a particular person. [siapa rasa dia lah orang tu, please read till the end]
ahaa.
so dont read if you couldnt understand.
;)

ive a feeling that this someone has read my blog.
because the day i posted this one entry, ive a feeling that this someone has been keeping his distance from me.
put it as his lah eh.
easier.
hurm.
ive no intention to be unkind but to be honest, my life has become better since the day youve been avoiding me.
lesser distraction.
more focus.

my honesty may hurt you but that's the truth.
im just a human being.
ive feelings too.
senang sayang orang.
and senang benci orang.
that's me.
adeh.
i dont like myself either.
i'll try to improve on that.

but after all, this is me.
i dont like to hide things.
i may be slightly secretive at times.
conceal certain things that i do.
because im afraid people will think bad of me.
i always have that kind of feeling.
afraid that people will think of me as this and that.
too much of thinking can be troublesome eh?
but i always go for telling the truth.
because i believe only honesty can solve problems.

so if this is the case, where youve actually read my last post, and you actually understand my situation, i really appreciate that.
really really.
cant be sorted out into words.
only God can repay your kindness.

ive seen your status in ym,fb and it seems like youre having a better life.
no more ----- is feeling very shitty.
haha.
oh im happy for you.
seriously.
as a friend, i dont feel good if my friend is in depression.
so since youve started to enjoy your life, that's a good news for me! ;)
well, that's all for now.
just to let you know, that im grateful to have you as my friend.
once again, thank you. =)

[i may misinterpret it. but that's what i felt. maybe kamu memang mahu menjauhkan diri. saya fikir lain. oh apa ni? craps. apa2 pun, just wanna thank you. peace~ ]

phew.
penat lah pula baca newspaper on the floor.
hehe.

just to express my gratitude to all my friends in today's post!
you'll never know who your true friends and true enemies are, until you're in trouble.
im grateful to have lovely friends here in inti.
previously, i used to feel that i will never get a "best" friend like ira, here in inti.
but now, i feel like im having "best" friendS here! (best friend kena seorang ke? to me, it's not necessary!)
had superb time together, makan2, gelak2, sedih2, tensi2 (tensi2? hehe), gossip2, tidur2, penat2, swimming2, aaaaaa, everything that we did together la!
semua best!
will be kept in my long-term memory forever.
hehe.
it's sorrowful to think that we're reaching the end of everything in inti.
but life has to go on kan?
my little witty heart could only pray and hope that all of her "best" friendS (refer to classmates. all SAMmies and even AUPs. and also TKCs. and everyone that has a place in my heart lah senang cerita. hehe) will succeed with flying colours in the future.
insyaAllah (if God's willing)
love you friends. =)

ohh i hate this feeling.
seriously i do.
kenapa mesti datang time ni?
lagi dekat nak exam, lagi besar dugaan.

hmmm.
confused with myself.
how people can change so easily.
oh we're just human beings.

*sigh
tetapkan hati ku ya Allah.
rakan2, saya mahu minta tolong..
jangan "lepaskan" mazni please.
im not strong enough to face this.
tolong "tarik" mazni.
i need your help.
dont let me go..
dont let me fall.....

oh my.
oh my.
why is justin bieber's voice so cute?
at first i thought it's a girl's voice.
hahaha.
sorry justin.
;P
this 15-year-old young kid really has a good voice. (well, to me la. others tak suka, i dont give a damn. me still likey. lol)
i really love his songs.
the first time i listened to "one time", i immediately fell head over heels for it.
terus cari the other songs sang by him at 4shared.
hehehe.
love this two songs, "one time" and "one less lonely girl".
i dont care about the lyrics.
i just like his voice and the rhythm of the songs.
try and listen to those songs, friends.
;D

*i dont know why. i didnt do anything bad to you. i dont even know you. of course i know you as my jr. but, hell ya. what's up with that smirk? as if ive done something wrong. adoyai. oh Allah, am i thinking too much? i dont give a damn honey. up to you to judge me or whatsoever. yang penting, i didnt do anything bad. that's for sure! (oh to be positive, probably muka dia memang macam tu? hurm. certain cases, people are born with that kind of expression kan? ok ok. probability is accepted. no more negative assumption mazni. delete from my memory. close case)